Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
