yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
