I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
