Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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