quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
