My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
