She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
