Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm at about main and main street
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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