you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
