Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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