Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
