dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
