Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize