is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
