Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
