There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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