Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
