Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
