I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
