While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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