The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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