Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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