just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
