Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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