but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
