I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
