Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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