ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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