my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
