I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
