I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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