so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
