I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize