so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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