So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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