it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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