Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
