So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
