Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
