I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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