i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
