If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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