Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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