textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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