we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
