Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
