I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
