he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Still dying that you shit outside
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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