My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
