i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
