They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
