wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
