Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
