At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
