I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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