I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
