hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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