Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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