I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize