things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
