Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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