You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
