How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
