i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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