bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Two words: blizzard sex
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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