I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
