my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize