They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
