she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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