is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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