I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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